Flash!  News headline: French town bans elephants from beach…Let’s just hope they can read the signs?  Do pachyderms even speak french?  (Apparently the local circus was using the ocean to bathe its animals and the large floating turds left behind were offending the swimming tourists.  No comment on whether it was bothering the French locals.) Sandal wearers beware?  Junior, put that down! It’s not a coconut!
Japan’s Ham Fighters floored by swine flu: entire baseball team quarantined…Does that mean no pork in baseball?  If all the baseball players are in the hospital, who will lead the fight against ham now… pokemon? Is the anti-pork sentiment only in baseball, or has it reached all professional sports? I know greenpeace is fighting the whale wars, but is anyone battling poultry?  Can anyone protect us against the terror of rogue vegetables?  The madness!  Where is a Republican when you need one?
Watch out for stormy weather:  Lightning can spoil a good hair day.

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